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Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

St. Simons Island

Over the past couple of days, we have been visiting St. Simons Island.  This was a first for the both of us, and I believe we both fell in love! What a great town! AND we found out we can bring the dogs to the beach there so I predict a future "day long" beach trip! Although Matt didn't really get to relax (he was working with a coworker) I spent my days laying on the beach reading, taking random photos, and in true Holly fashion...text messaging. :) His coworker got us a free night stay in a swanky little inn.  It was more like a large scale bed and breakfast.  It was called The Village Inn and Pub.  So cute! Definite recommendation if you go to the island to stay for a few days! Below are some photos that I took while there. 

St. Simons Island

Running

Found this devotional post from www.OurDailyJourney.com and thought I would share...

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I have a confession to make. I hate to run.

Some people enjoy jogging to stay in shape. Others put themselves through rigorous months of training to run long-distance races. While I admire their discipline, it’s definitely not for me.

A friend who is an amateur marathoner told me that during the last 6 miles of a race everything below his waist begins to shut down. His legs cry out to his brain, “Why are you doing this to me?” In those moments, it makes no sense whatsoever for him to keep going—but somehow he perseveres.

The Old Testament prophet Elijah found himself running—not to train or for exercise, but for his very life! After his dramatic showdown on Mount Carmel with the prophets of Baal, the wicked Queen Jezebel put a bounty on his head (1 Kings 19:1-3). He eventually fled to the desert, collapsed under a tree, and wanted to give up (vv.4-5).

“Why bother?” can be the cry of the heart when the going gets tough. Like a jogger running the last few miles of a grueling marathon, Christians can become so overwhelmed or demoralized by circumstances that it can appear as if there is no point in trying to fix a problem or achieve a dream.

Satan, our archenemy, wants us to quit when we have to deal with difficult circumstances. He wants us to agree with the lie that it’s pointless to keep going. But if we keep our focus on Jesus and all He truly is, we won’t be deceived. We won’t be taken down by the lies of the enemy, and we won’t give up. Because of Him, we can persevere and find the strength to finish whatever race is marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Our House

We moved into our humble abode in October of 2006.  The outside of the home was much to be desired, but knew it had potential...one day.  We slowly changed the blue shutters and doors to white and then finally this year, we had it painted and we did landscaping around the house.  I am sure the neighborhood was grateful for the landscaping since the past three years it has been nothing but weeds growing out of control.  

Take a look!

All That I Can Give

Dear Heavenly Father-

I'm not sure if throughout my life I have always given all that I can give to you. I know you deserve more of my heart and my thoughts and my time, but know that it is something I pray for every day. I want to be closer to you and more like your beautiful son, Jesus. I do have to say though, my spirit is weak at this moment. I am tired and struggling. I look at life around me and most days I don't understand the path that I am walking down. It is a difficult path though. Finances are strained, job searching is difficult, and traditional baby making has proved to be anything but traditional--and unsuccessful. Bring me closer to you, bring peace to my heart, bring me closer to my husband, and bring me all the desires that you have placed in my heart. I realize these desires are in your time and not mine--for you ultimately know what is best. I know you have said to your followers that though times may be difficult, you would never let us walk alone. I can handle the rain, as long as you're by my side. I need you by my side--as I said, my spirit is weak. In your wonderful Son's name I pray to you....

Forever and Faithfully Yours

Something Old, Something New

Yesterday, Matt and I had a wonderful day filled with new beginnings. We started our day, as we usually do on Sundays by attending Crosspointe Church, our new home to worship. Afterwards, we attended our first Life Group session. Life Groups are Crosspointe's version of Sunday School. We don't have Sunday School at church and instead meet at people's houses during the week at a predetermined date and time. This is a genuine once a week time for fellowship and bible study. It was very nice and welcoming to get to know some new people who are going through some of the same struggles we are. Our lesson for yesterday involved putting on "new clothes" for Christ. It was definitely an eye opener to see what things that I should be working on as a child of God, a wife, and my place in this world. I definitely need to start replacing old attitudes and habits with the new ones which the Bible says I should be putting on.

We're also still praying and holding our breath in regards to our latest fertility cycle. The big day is Wednesday.